Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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