Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
