i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
