the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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