i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
