but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
