New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
