bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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