420 ftw
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
