I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize