If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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