I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize