I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Is it because I queefed?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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