Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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