He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
