I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
