I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
