I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
