i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
