and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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