its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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