My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize