Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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