Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
