i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
