She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
