Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
