Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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