guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
40s are totally the cure
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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