Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
