It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
