I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
