non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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