Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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