He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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