guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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