I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
