I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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