six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
