I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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