dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
