i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
