i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
