It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
