Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
