we're blogging at a bar
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
