We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
