WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
