i need an iv and a liver transplant
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
