Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
