Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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