I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think i got beer on your cat.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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