sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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