U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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