can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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