I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
