She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize