We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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