Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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