Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
