he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize