Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
