I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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