so that wasnt chicken after all
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
