Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
