M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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