I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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